Raising the stakes of
the argument
I need to be establishing the POV more and should be seen from the Young Man 1 as this would be most interesting and the audience can be included in more of the story and the 'known' rather than from the girls POV which would be 'unknown' and could also be quite confusing.
Young Man 1 drives past as he sees Young Man 2 and
a girl arguing. Young Man 2 throws her out the car as they carry on arguing.
Young Man 1 drives close and stops, girl and Young Man 2 are completely unaware.
Young Man 1 watches the argument in his car from
a distance as he begins to make origami.
The man goes to the boot first and she feels strange about what’s
happening and this is shown through her body movement and language. She is shifty and panicking that he is acting strange and also the fear of the unknown.
What’s is it that the audience can see in the boot of his car? – gardening things? as this will raise the stakes for the audience as suspicions can be made and this is all innocent as the girl is completely unaware, therefore making the scene tense and then anti-climaxing to maybe reveal a bigger plot twist or master plan.
He should drop something off somewhere before he takes her home to prolong the tension and also add to his awkwardness as it is obvious that she wouldn't want to be running errands with him and if she was she would probably want some indication towards what was happening but instead he should be illiterate and say ‘I
wont be a moment.’ calmly.
Dramatise verbs rather than describe direct actions
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